Sunday, April 10, 2016

Review: # Horror



Review: # Horror
By William Pattison
For Horror Bob's Blog


First off I would like to thank my Youtube buddy Cauwel3 for making me aware of this film.
#Horror is supposed to be a morality tale about the inhumanity that modern parents are imparting into their children. In the case of the six rich spoiled ego case girls director/writer Tara Subkoff takes this to the extreme. So extreme that there is not one character that the viewing audience can relate to much less sympathize with, one of the big no nos in horror. Another failure of the director is the setting. This huge window (literally the exterior is completely made of windows…) house with garish artwork on the few walls, including a way large painting of an open hard boiled egg that for some reason the director uses special FX to make it pulse like a heart on occasion.
In the story six very nasty, spoiled, girls come together at one of the girl’s garish window house. This is, of course, after the girls father and his mistress get killed in his car on a road in the woods not far from the house. The girl’s mother takes off leaving the girls to do as they choose. For the majority of the film you see the girls being bitches, constantly doing selfies, and putting on a female pissing contest with each others They even do this very disturbing dance while wearing creepy masks. And, I literally mean this is what happens through ninety-eight percent of the film. The fun ends when one girl calls the fat girl in the group fat. The main girl, the girl whose house they are in, tells her to leave. The girl is ejected out into the snow and the cold. She calls her daddy (played over the top by Timothy Hutton) comes to the house, bullies the girls, and goes out looking for his daughter. That is finally murders start happening, in the last fifteen minutes of the film.
To put it simply this film is one that puts image over substance, stereotypes over actual building of actual three dimensional characters, endless fluff over solid dramatization. This film promises gore at the beginning and ends up boring the audience. And, of course when the payoff is given it is not even worth it. Even the opening credits are barely readable because the filmmaker shows them in bursts of flashy imogies, which is perfect for a film that is all flash and nothing else.
As a lover of horror I cannot recommend this film. I hope this filmmaker learns from this film and does a horror film next time with better characterization, tension, and real scares.

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Saturday, February 27, 2016

Review: Plan 9




Review: Plan 9
By William Pattison, aka Eric Morse
 For Horror Bob's Blog


Well, after three failed attempts I have finally got to see the film I’ve waited to see for four years, that being John Johnson’s Plan 9.
            This film is the epically expanded remake of Ed Wood’s cult classic Plan 9 From Outer Space, the film dubbed the worst film ever made.
            In this film Brian Krause (Charmed) stars as plane pilot Jeff Trent who is thrust into a plan to destroy humanity by aliens who are reanimating the dead as an unstoppable army. Who does Trent get to help him? Well, one of the town’s deputies, played wonderfully by director John Johnson, and fake psychic and irritating actor Criswell, played by former San Francisco Bay Area Horror Host Mr. Lobo. Can Trent and his band of heroes save the world from the alien and zombie threat? Well, you are going to have to get a copy of this new cult classic and find out for yourself.
            John Johnson takes Ed Wood’s tacky and whacked out B movie and turns it into an epic cult film that I can honestly say rivals Dawn of the Dead when it comes to zombie films. Zombie film lovers will love what Johnson delivers. He even has shots the homage George Romero’s cult classic, Night of the Living Dead. This film is full of cameos by cult horror icons. Carmille Keaton (I Spit on Your Grave) plays the part Vampira played in the original. Also, the original Plan 9 From Outer Space alumni Conrad Brooks makes an appearance along with Hari Krishna zombie from Dawn of the Dead, Mike Christopher.

            This film, which took John Johnson seven long years to finish, is a love letter to the horror genre. Truly it is a piece of art that was carefully crafted with the love of a true filmmaker. It shows in every shot and edit. Something you rarely see in the horror community these days with all the lack luster and slapped together crap that seems to be considered genius these days. This is true genius and I can’t strong enough recommend this film.

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Saturday, December 12, 2015

Review: John Johnson's The Jester



Review: John Johnson's The Jester

By William Pattison
For Horror Bob’s Blog


This time I have the pleasure of reviewing a film by one of my favorite indie filmmakers, that being Mr. John Johnson. The film in question is John Johnson’s The Jester.
            There is a legend about a jester who fell in love with the daughter of a king and impregnated her. The King in his rage had the Jester tied to a tree and forced him to watch as he cut the child from his daughter’s stomach. Then the king burned down the forest to destroy the jester, baby, and his daughter’s body. While the Jester burned he cursed the king and the world saying that he would come back and claim a child to replace that which the king took from him, then the world would suffer his wrath.
            Centuries later a young female author finds a necklace and a book in an old book shop. She buys the book and after she starts to read from it the Jester appears to her. He tells her he has come to get what she owes him, a child, and if she rejects him three times blood will be spilt. She refuses him and he reminds her that if she does it two more times blood will be spilt. Then he wipes her memory.
            Soon after a bunch of her friends come to spend the weekend with her. The jester comes to her again and she rejects him two more times. The Jester tells her that she has made a grave mistake. From that point on blood is indeed spilt and the young author must choose either to concede to the demonic Jester’s request or watch her friends die one by one.
            The Jester is a low budget horror film done in the classic style of the 80s. Unlike most films that try to capture the feel of the 80s gorefests, Johnson manages this feat with ease yet does not turn this film into a cookie cutter 80s horror homage. This is not a homage it is an after affect of the fact that like those 80s filmmakers before him Johnson uses his limited resources to their full advantage and effect rather than trying to pretend he is making a Hollywood film. The result is good honest filmmaking that takes practical FX and character work, and tight script writing and uses these to create a quality piece of work. Jester reminds me of some of the great classic low budget horror films created by the master filmmakers of Empire Pictures and Full Moon. It is an entertaining horror film that doesn’t take itself too serious yet gives the horror fan the bang for their bucks. I highly recommend this film. You can find this and other wonderful films by John Johnson at http://www.darkstone-ent.com/films.html

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Saturday, September 19, 2015

Review: Model Hunger


Review: Model Hunger
By William Pattison, aka Eric Morse
For Horror Bob's Blog


Well, this time I get to review the first directorial by my dear friend and the queen of all scream queens, Debbie Rochon. The film is titled Model Hunger and it is a quirky horror film that takes on the subject of the prejudice in the modeling and entertainment industry in general about female age and body size.
Model Hunger tells the story of Ginny (played to perfection by veteran actress Lynn Lowry), an elderly former model and actress who was cast aside as a young woman due to her body type. Ginny is now a broken woman who has over the years garnered a hatred and need for revenge on the thin young women who cost her her career. So, now when she encounters young pretty women she lures them into her house, kills them, and eats them. Now, come on the scene Ginny’s new neighbor Debbie (played by scream queen Tiffany Shepis). Debbie is a disturbed woman who starts to wonder about her neighbor’s activities. Debbie’s husband Sal, disregards her suspicions and ends up losing his life over it when Ginny sends over a little drugged treat for Debbie and Sal ends up eating it. After that things build to a final confrontation that pits Ginny and Debbie in a life and death battle.
I have to say this film sold me. It takes place in a twisted world that only a former Tromet could come up with. Mainly the stage of this twisted morality play takes place in three houses, Ginny’s, Debbie’s, and the neighbor on the other side of Ginny who is basically an old man with two hobbies, collecting windmills and peeping on the neighborhood. Then the film goes that much further for psychological affect by going into both women’s minds through voiceovers and creepy flashbacks.
But Rochon isn’t done there. After all she mentored with the great Lloyd Kauffman. Rochon hits the viewer with a blatant display of what the moral push of this story is through the vehicle of an infomercial show that plays through the story called Suzie’s Secret. Suzie’s Secret is a show hosted by Suzie (played in a fat suite by actress Suzi Lorraine) for “regular sized” women in order to sell them sexy clothes to make them feel empowered. The main clothes model in this freak show is none other than drag actor and Troma alumni Babette Bombshell. Babette thrills and shocks the viewer by modeling skanky outfits while rubbing food over his/her body. Scary indeed.
And, don’t worry, gore hounds, Debbie Rochon doesn’t forget you either. This film features some wonderful gore scenes as Ginny takes out cheerleaders, an aspiring actress, a mechanic, and even a Jehovah’s witness (because after all we can’t let those skinny Jehovah’s witness girls get away). And the best thing of all is not one CGI gore scene in the lot. Debbie Rochon goes for the best, and that is what has always worked, practical FX.
The last few years we’ve seen a lot of scream queens try the director’s chair. For the most part their efforts have been lack luster, and in many cases down right embarrassing. Not so in this case. I look forward to Debbie Rochon’s next directoral…
So, if you love twisted, gory, psychological, horror that is done with the love and respect of the craft, Model Hunger is the film for you.
Currently, this film is doing the film festival run, but it should be coming to DVD and Blueray sometime in 2016. I highly recommend you check it out if you get the chance. This will be one you will want to add to your collection in the future.

Keep on Creepin', Horror Bob's Blog....




Monday, June 22, 2015

Review: Vendetta (2015)



By William Pattison, Aka Eric Morse
For Horror Bob's Blog

Well, the time has come yet again for me to do a review on a film by the Twisted Twins Jen and Sylvia Soska. This time the girls have thankfully left the horror genre behind them and have moved on to the action drama genre with their second film for WWE films, Vendetta.
Vendetta stars Dean Cane (Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman) as Detective Mason Danvers. Mason captures tough gangster Victor Abbot (played by WWE wrestler Paul “The Big Show” Wight) but when Abbot and his brother are released on a technicality, Abbot viciously tortures and kills Detective Danvers’ pregnant wife. Abbot is caught before Danvers, who arrived just after Abbot killed his wife gets a chance to get revenge and shoot him.
So Danvers goes and kills Abbot’s brother and a couple other drug dealers and gets himself arrested. Danvers is sent to the same prison as Abbot and put in general population. At this point the film becomes a series of fight scenes as Abbot (who somehow now runs the prison) sends convicts to kill Danvers and Danvers one by one takes out Abbots lieutenants as he works his way up to killing Abbot.
Unfortunately, I had a bunch of issues with this film. The script that was written by Justin Shady is full of blatant technical errors and plot glitches that should make any real prison film fan scratch their head. A couple of the most obvious would be the main plot point of Danvers being sent to the same prison as the man who tortured and murdered his wife.  No judicial agency is going to do something as idiotic as this, and don’t tell me that was the only prison he could be sent to. Another script flaw was the fact that Danvers was put in general population. There is no way that any prison would put a former cop in general population. That would be a death sentence because every convict in the place would be gunning for him. I can back this up because I did my homework and conferred with a friend of mine named Matt who is in fact a prison guard at a prison that is the same size as in the film. Matt and I discerned a number of outrageous errors in this film. Another was the fact that the warden assigned Danvers a just at the prison laundry, not a risk they would do with a former cop. Also, when Danvers is working in the laundry there is not a guard in sight which actually leads to a group of six prisoners nearly beating Danvers to death. Also, coincidentally, it turns out one of the guards is an old friend of Danvers and right out in the exercise area in front of the prisoners chews the shit with Danvers and tells him that the warden is working with Abbot. Right, like any intelligent guard would be stupid enough to tell that out loud with the other prisoners watching and listening. Also, to show the bad writing the guard survives till the end of the film. Excuse? Oh, and there is the amusing prison policy (which is unique to this prison) that prisoners can leave the exercise area and go back to their cells unescorted or watched by guards. This is obvious because one of Abbot’s men goes back to his cell only to be killed by Danvers who was waiting for him there. Seriously, both Justin Shady and this production in general drastically needed a technical advisor.
Another annoying thing about this film was the fight scenes. Not because they weren’t bloody enough. Oh no, Jen and Sylvia learned from the kick in their teeth they got from both reviewers and fans in regard to See No Evil 2 and threw the blood around. The problem was the fight scenes look way overly staged. You could actually see that the punches didn’t impact. Also in a number of shots the bad guys would fall the wrong way. Shoot, the one fight scene that wins my prize for most lame is one where Danvers uses a push broom to choke one of Abbots men. Now, hold back your laughter…Danvers uses the brush end and presses it down on the guy’s throat. The guy flays his arms and over acts the gagging. Then, after an unbelievable amount of time, Danvers switches to using the handle. Oh, my flippin’ god. The only good kill in this film except the killing of Danvers wife, and that could have been shot better, was a killing where Danvers uses a plastic pen that he fashions into a knife and stabs one of Abbot’s men to death. In that scene Danvers gets a stream of blood in his face from the shaft of the pen which is sticking out of the guy’s neck. Come on girls!
As for the camera work and lighting, I did like some of the colored lighting in the early parts of the film, but through the second half it seemed standard and uninspired. I’m sorry to say the camera work seemed rather uninspired too. I’ve seen forth year film students that set better angles than I saw in this film. The only scene where I can honesty say the girls did it right was in the warehouse scene where Danvers initially captures Abbot. In that one scene the Soskas managed to use the angles and lighting in a dramatic way.
When I saw the trailer for this film I was ready to applaud Jen and Sylvia Soska. Thankfully they had moved on from horror, which I can not under express that they could not do. I remembered how well they did the action scenes in Dead Hooker in a Trunk and looked forward to seeing a little of that early Soska magic on the screen. Unfortunately, all I saw when I saw Vendetta was a disappointing mess. I honestly felt sorry for the girls. There was so much of this they had no control over due to the fact that they are stuck working for a control freak like Vince McMahon. I’m pretty sure Vince just gave them the script and said shoot it. I even think most of the cast was already hired before they were even assigned. Hell, like all WWE directors, the Soskas didn’t even get the chance to even edit the damned film, which itself was sloppy and uninspired.
Given all this, all I can suggest is on their next film the Soskas put some budget to getting an on set advisor. The faults and idiot mistakes in this film are like nails on a chalkboard. It was the same with See No Evil 2 with people working in a coroner’s office and doing autopsies in plain clothes rather than in scrubs…Oh and the blue embalming fluid instead of yellow to name just a couple of things. My friend that works as a mortician nearly gagged on his popcorn while he watching it.
So, I can only in good judgment give this film two and a half stars. Do your homework next time, ladies….
Keep on Creepin’, Horror Bob’s Blog!!!

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Review: It Follows



By William Pattison, aka Eric Morse
For Horror Bob's Blog

Hey, Howlies. I just finished watching It Follows and I have to say I was impressed. The film tells the story of a girl named Jay who what seemed like an innocent encounter with a boy on a date; that is until the boy knocks her out and ties her to a chair. He informs her that he has passed onto to her a thing…no not a sexually transmitted disease, but some type of demon that slowly walks toward its victims and kills them in a horrible way. This demon can present itself a family, friends, or pretty much anybody. The only way to get rid of this thing, at least for a while until it kills again is to have sex with somebody and pass the demon on to them. Jay at one point in the film passes it on to her friend Glen, who looks amusingly like a young Johnny Depp. But only partially believes her and the demon gets to him. So, now Jay and her remaining friends must find a way to put an end to the demon before it kills Jay.
I absolutely loved It Follows. This film reminded me of the good old scarefests I used to watch in the 80’s…I mean the real 80s horror films, not the idealized dribble this generation thinks an 8os style horror film is supposed to be. This film had everything in the right proportions. It had tension, well drawn characters (not regurgitated Breakfast Club characters), and honest scares rather that puddles and blood and gore and endless jump scares. Even the music in this film, which is mostly done with a synthesizer has that wonderful 80s feel to it that is so missed these days. I have to say bravo to director/writer David Robert Mitchell. He knows how to do some honest horror and hopefully he continues to deliver this quality of work. He has the potential to be the next Wes Craven. I whole heartedly recommend this film to any true horror fans.
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Saturday, May 2, 2015

Review: Strange Blood




By William Pattison, aka Eric Morse
For Horror Bob’s Blog

I just finished watching an excellent independent horror/science fiction film titled Strange Blood. This film is about an obsessed scientist that is trying to find a cure for all disease. In his attempt to do that he accidentally becomes a vampire. This is a royally freaky film and the biological incubator he creates is something to be seen. This is a very Cronenbergue take on the vampire and I highly recommend it.


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